America Sucks...

...at espionage and national security. At least according to the early James Bond films.

Which always had me wondering a bit, as Broccoli and Saltzman reportedly aimed the series at what would be popular in America. And Americans ate it up.

But the unquestionable message of the first few films is: Americans are dumber than a bag or rocks.

Let's look at the record, shall we?

Dr. No: Dr. No is using his secret base on Crab Key in Jamaica to test out S.P.E.C.T.R.E.'s new "toppling" system, a way of using radio beams to upset the gyroscopic control of missiles. He's toppling American space rockets, causing much embarrassment for NASA.

Felix Leiter (Jack Lord) can't find a single clue as to what might be going on, even though every single person on the island practically ducks and covers at the mention of Crab Key or Dr. No. But British agent Strangways had figured it out before he was killed. And of 007 did, too, in about 5 minutes. And even though an American missile launch is about to be attacked, Leiter stays behind and lets Bond sort it all out (perhaps he was scared of the dragon!). And, in what will become American style for the whole series, he shows up with the U.S. Navy...after Bond has killed the bad guy and defeated his plan.


Rating: 2 Cletus' (out of a possible 5). I'll give the U.S. a little break here, because the action was in British territory.


No American involvement in From Russia With Love, so let's jump to:

Goldfinger. The first Bond movie set in the U.S.A. Things have got to look better for we Americans, right?!?!?

Wrong. It would be impossible to make Americans look more inept than they did in this movie. The Keystone Cops were more effective.

First off, we have Cec Linder as the least effective Felix Leiter ever. Seriously, all he's good for is carrying messages. "Bond, M says this." "M, Bond's in America." And he just stands around, grinning and shaking his head at good ol' 007's antics. He's clueless and useless.

But wait, it gets worse. Goldfinger is a foreign national doing substantial business on U.S. soil, and we're supposed to believe that neither the FBI nor CIA had any files on him? Hell, Hoover had files on everybody!! Then were supposed to believe that Goldfinger had a dozen of the top mobsters in the country, all at the same time, out to his stud farm. And no one in the U.S. government noticed. No surveillance, no memo, no nothing.

But wait--it gets worse. Chinese troops AND nerve gas AND a nuclear bomb were smuggled into the U.S. And no red flags went up anywhere. China is about to set off a nuclear explosion destroying America's gold stores, destabilizing the world economy, and no one in America notices. China is about to kill 15,000 American troops, and no one has the least inkling. The ONLY way this crisis is averted is because a British agent seduces a lesbian.

Given this level of incompetence, it's pretty hard to believe America even survived the Cold War, let alone won it.

Rating: 5 Cletus'.



Thunderball: Two NATO nuclear bombs are stolen, and S.P.E.C.T.R.E. threatens to blow up a major British or American city. Well, Felix Leiter (Rick Van Nutter) isn't much help. Despite the fact that Largo and his peeps are walking around wearing HUGE-ASS S.P.E.C.T.R.E. rings, and that he's hanging around with the sister of someone from the missing flight, Leiter has no clue. Bond figures it out in a nano-second.

Worse, despite supposedly having already searched everywhere for the stolen plane, the U.S. military can't find it. James Bond in a lone helicopter is able to find it.

Finally, the U.S. Navy gets fooled by the "shell" of the Disco Volante, blowing that up while allowing the hovercraft part to escape.

In their favor, again, it wasn't U.S. territory, and the U.S. did provide the dozens of underwater soldiers necessary to recapture the bombs.

Rating: 3 Cletus'.

You Only Live Twice: Well, it had the first theme song performed by an American, so that counts for something, right?

Otherwise, it's all bad. S.P.E.C.T.R.E. is stealing American space flights (and Russian) as part of a China-backed plot to start WWIII. And America falls for it hook, line, and sinker.

The Americans decide, without any evidence, that Russia must be responsible. They pompously reject Britain's evidence that it's not Russia. And they pledge to be the first to press the button should anything else happen to their space flights.

This is especially damning, because the scenario as portrayed in the movie means that America cannot track ships once they leave orbit. Great tech there, guys. This means that, even though Japan is their sphere of influence, major space launches and landings can take place from there, without their having a frakking clue.

Nope, the Americans can't even watch their own back yard, arrogantly assuming that their first instinct must be right. It's up to modest, intelligent Britain (with the help of a herd of ninjas) to keep America from blowing up the world.

Rating: 4 Cletus'.


No American involvement in On Her Majesty's Secret Service (except, they apparently agreed to pay Blofeld's ransom along with everybody else). So that take us to:

Diamonds Are Forever: Once again, America's intelligence (and political) community are dimwits. A major smuggling ring has been bringing HUGE amounts of diamonds into the U.S. for some time. No one even had any idea, apparently.

Also, it seems, any private citizen can send the government a killer satellite to launch, and they'll be glad to put it into orbit for you. No inspections, no questions asked,apparently. Could have been a payload of nuclear bombs, as fare as Vandenberg is concerned.

It really must be embarrassing to have so many threats to American security originating undetected on American soil. And Willard Whyte is politically connected, so the government won't let the CIA get involved.

I won't fault the U.S. for not having any space defenses prepared, as it was only 1971...but you'd think after the experience of YOLT, they'd have some response prepared (editor's note--just wait until Moonraker).

And when it comes to crunch time, do they send in American agents to confront Blofeld? Nope, just a British agent, even though, as Blofeld points out, Britain hasn't even been threatened!! Then again, Bond does have a good record against Blofeldian schemes, so maybe that made sense. And when attack time comes, they do effectively blow up the platform, which is good because Bond did fail to stop the satellite, and needed the American cover to smash the control room.

Tiffany Case is the first American Bond Girl, and James must have been impressed, because he didn't bed any other ladies the whole movie. But we do show an incompetent American sheriff with a southern accent--sadly, not the last time.

Rating: 3 Cletus'.

I've always found it interesting that American audiences would so fall in love with a movie series that took every opportunity to portray Americans as arrogant, foolish, incompetent and generally inferior to England in every way. Perhaps it was the cultural tenor of the times--America was the strongest economically and militarily, but we had a pretty huge inferiority complex culturally, assuming that almost anything British must be superior to American crassness.

We'll revisit this later, and see how other eras' Bond movie treated we poor, hapless Americans, in different times.

My Blog, Done Mathematically

I'm sorta required to pass this one on to you...hat tip to Deborah.

Because he's a Psychotic Maniac?

The one thing that has bugged me more than anything else about Goldfinger over the years is this:

Why in the world does Auric Goldfinger kills the American gangsters when he does, in the way he does?

Let's look at the scenario we're given. Goldfinger is using several mob groups to bring in various things he'll need for Operation Grand Slam--they smuggle in the gas canisters, smuggle the Chinese soldiers across the border, etc. They all worked independently of each other, for the promise of $1 million in gold, without knowing any other groups were involved.

Goldfinger calls them all together the day before Grand Slam, and promises them all $10 million if they'll help him carry out the robbery the next day. After a long lecture and some incredibly elaborate displays, the gangster Solo (Han? Napolean?) decides he wants no part of it, so Goldfinger escorts him out, gives him his gold, and has Oddjob drive him to the airport. Except he really has Oddjob shoot him, and compact the car with Solo still in it, and bring the wreck back so the gold can be salvaged from it. Meanwhile, before he can return to the rumpus room from Hell to receive the agreement from the other gangsters, his goon Kisch turns on the gas, killing the lot of them.

Now, maybe I'm dense, but this sequence doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I can understand Goldfinger's wanting them dead. You don't want to leave witnesses, and if they somehow got wind of the fact that their efforts had led directly to a nuke being used on U.S. soil, at least some of them might prove to be patriotic hoods, and turn him in and perhaps have all his gold assets seized while he was in hiding.

And maybe he was just greedy, and didn't want to have to pay off their fees.

But if that's the case, why in the world the elaborate dog and pony show?? Why not gas them all while they're waiting for Goldfinger in the first place??

I know what your first answer is going to be--because Goldfinger is boastful, and wanted to show off his plan to the gangsters before he killed them. But if that's the case, why does he lie about what his plan is? If he's going to brag, why not brag about his true plan, since he's going to kill them anyway?

And why go through the elaborate deception with Solo? Since you're going to kill them all anyway in 2 minutes, why in heaven's name the charade of allowing him to leave? And even so, why the car crusher? Shooting him wasn't enough? Shoot him, take the gold out of the trunk, and dispose of his body with the 15 gassed hood bodies!! And what if three hoods had refused Goldfinger's proposal? Three crushed cars??

So, we have Goldfinger inviting the hoods over, planning to kill them, boasting to them about some plan other than the one he's doing, and killing them before he finds out their response. Even by monomaniacal standards, that's nuts.

I suppose you could argue that Goldfinger was just testing himself, by seeing if he could convince professional criminals to go along with (what Bond immediately sees is) an impossible plan. Or you could argue that since Goldfinger spent all that money making a fancy showroom out his rec room, he wanted to get some use out of it.

But really, there are two reasons why these scenes are in the movie.

The first is, Goldfinger's speech about the "masterpiece of crime" comes nearly verbatim from the novel, and I'm betting screenwriter Richard Maibaum couldn't bring himself to cut it. Of course, in the book, Goldfinger did plan to actually rob Fort Knox, and he did need additional men and supplies from the mobsters to pull it off (plus, he intended to used them as Judas goats). Ironically, the twist Maibum put on the book's plot--it wasn't really a robbery, it was a terrorist attack--made that same speech irrelevant in the movie.

The second reason is, if Bond doesn't overhear Goldfinger give that presentation, he has no idea what's going on, and can't let Felix Leiter know how to set the trap. Remember how spectacularly ineffective Bond is in this movie...he fails in every aspect of his mission. And Goldfinger refuses to fall for the "villain reveals everything to the captured hero" cliche. Unfortunately, that bit of good writing created a conundrum: Bond is completely in the dark, and has no way to get enlightened, unless he overhears Goldfinger boasting. And Goldfinger WOULDN'T boast to anyone who wasn't immediately about to die. So the gangsters HAD to die, or Bond would never know what was going on until he was strapped to the bomb the next morning.

And those are the reasons we had to have the "let's kill all the gangsters" scene, even though it made no sense.

Plus, he was a sociopath. Duh.

The "L" Word

For those interested, let me provide you a couple of brief passages from the Goldfinger novel. As you know, the movie wouldn't (& doubtless couldn't) frankly discuss the issue of Pussy Galore being a lesbian, except for a few coy references. So I thought I'd let you see how Ian Fleming dealt with it in print.

I'll refrain from editorial comment, except for 2 notes. First, the novel was published in 1959, so the times were a wee bit different. Secondly, Tilly Masterson dies much later in the novel, not until after the raid on Fort Knox. She and Bond are put to work helping Goldfinger implement Operation Grand Slam. After resisting Bonds' advances, she becomes...ahem...taken with Pussy Galore.

Bond, having seen her name on a list, asks who this Pussy Galore might be. Goldfinger's response:

"She is the only woman who runs a gang in America. It is a gang of women. I shall need some women for this operation. She is entirely reliable. She was a trapeze artiste. She had a team. It was called 'Pussy Galore and her Acrobats.' " Goldfinger did not smile. "The team was unsuccessful, so she trained them as burglars, cat burglars. It grew into a gang of outstanding ruthlessness. It is a Lesbian organization which now calls itself 'The Cement Mixers.' Even the big American gangs respect them. She is a remarkable woman."

Next, we have Bond ruminating on Tilly Masterson, as she falls under Pussy's...ahem...influence:

Bond came to the conclusion that Tilly Masterson was one of those girls whose hormones had got mixed up. He knew the type well and thought they and their male counterparts were a direct consequence of giving votes to women and 'sex equality.' As a result of fifty years years of emancipation, feminine qualities were dying out or being transferred to the males. Pansies of both sexes were everywhere, not yet completely homosexual, but confused, not knowing what they were. The result was a herd of unhappy sexual misfits--barren and full of frustrations, the women wanting to dominate and the men to be nannied. He was sorry for them, but he had no time for them.

And the book's denouement:

She lay in the crook of Bond's arm and looked up at him. She said, not in a gangster's
voice, or a Lesbian's, but in a girl's voice, "Will you write to me in Sing Sing?"

Bond looked down into the deep blue-violet eyes that were no longer hard, imperious. He bent and kissed them lightly. He said, "They told me you only liked women."

She said, "I never met a man before."

Sigh...perhaps it's just as well the 1964 movie completely avoided the topic...

Goldfinger

You know those silly movies where the nerdy girl takes off her glasses and let's down her hair, and everybody suddenly realizes how hot she is, and she becomes amazingly popular?

That's what happened with Goldfinger. OK, OK, it's a really strained analogy...but look at the U.S. box office numbers. Dr. No: $6.4 million. From Russia With Love $9.9 million. Goldfinger? $23 million. Despite playing on only 64 screens over Christmas week, it made almost $3 million in its first two weeks of release...a record back in the day. There were stories about big city theatres holding showings 24 hours a day to meet demand. Suddenly, the British spy series was the most popular girl in school.

And how did the nerdy little James Bond remove his glasses and let down his hair, so everybody could see how sexy he was all along? By taking elements of the fantastic, that had been in the first two movies, and turning them up to 11, giving the public something they'd never quite seen before. There had been theme songs (sort of), but my word, what the hell was Shirley Bassey doing, capturing us with that teasing delivery of a brilliantly memorable tune?? Sure, we had a Geiger counter (woo hoo!) and a uber-briefcase...but that was nothing compared to The Car. There had been great deaths before, but A Naked Woman Covered in Gold Paint? There had been Bonds girls, but one named so scandalously?? (Be honest--how many of you got away with saying "Pussy" by telling your parents that it was OK because she was in that Bond movie?) Red Grant had been ominous, but come on--Oddjob was something to talk about at the water cooler. There had been insidious plots, but never an attack in the heart of America aimed at one of our national symbols of strength. There had been some humor in the previous Bond movies, but this one had parts that were out and out hilarious. It was as if, instead of merely being adapted fairly straightforwardly from the novel, the producers had somehow deliberately tapped into the American zeitgeist, picking and choosing those elements that would guarantee an enthusiastic reaction.

And yet...

How ridiculously popular was this film?? Was--nay, still is, to this day? Go ahead--take a poll amongst your non-Bond-fan friends and relatives. Ask them what their favorite Bond movie is. I'll wager that most will say Goldfinger (or, as one one my friends said, "that one where Bond had a laser pointed at his crotch"). Sure, part of that is the easy to remember title. But part of it is how primal it seemed to be, the first time all of the elements of what audiences think of as a "Bond film." And those elements came together so very, very well.

And yet...

Goldfinger was such a success because it took the elements of the series that had already been there and amplified them in the most crowd-pleasing way possible. And in the process, it became iconic, the template upon which almost every future Bond movie would be based (and compared to). From here on out, except for the odd deviation which was quickly repudiated, Bond became very much a formula. We were locked in--the teaser, Bond annoying M during his briefing, the jousting with Q, the larger-than-life villain, the Bond girl with the suggestive name, the unusual henchman, the Top 10 theme song, the difficult-to-maintain balance of humor and suspense, the gadgets and cars...for the next 30+ years the writers and producers would bend themselves (and the movies) into pretzels, trying to match what had happened in Goldfinger.

And yet...

Goldfinger is still #1 on many people's, and many critic's, list of best Bond Films. And it's not hard to see why. When you look st the series, a very convincing argument can be made that Goldfinger has A) the best teaser, B) the best theme song, C) the best villain, D) the best henchman, E) the best car, F) best one-liner (from which this blog took its name),etc., etc. And even if it's not number one in all of those categories, being rated so highly in all of these area must mean that this has got to be considered the best Bond film, right?

And yet...

And yet, I'm here to tell you that Goldfinger is NOT the best Bond movie. Oh, don't get me wrong...it's very, very good. But it's possible for something to be very, very good and still be somewhat overrated.

You can't just take some average of the rankings across various departments and use that to choose the best Bond film. First, that ignores the synergy that takes place between a film's elements...and obscures how the film works in toto. More importantly, it can obscure some of a movies faults, which might not turn up in one of the categories. And Goldfinger, for all it does well, has a few glaring faults.

First of all, it does not have the best Bond. Oh, I'm not referring to Sean Connery at all, he's great, as per usual. No, as clever and tight as the script is, it has the glaring defect of having the character of Bond be borderline incompetent as a secret agent. After the teaser, he fails, and fails, and fails again, and in the end foils the villain's plot not by wit or gadgets or toughness, but by stupid blind luck.

Others have made this point before, but allow me to elaborate:

• Bond can't resist exceeding his orders initially. Instead of just keeping an eye on Goldfinger, he interferes with his penny-ante cheating at gin. As a result, Jill Masterson is killed, and Bond's cover is completely blown.
• It's incomprehensible that M keeps Bond on the case, as Goldfinger now knows Bond's voice (at the very least), and Oddjob knows him on sight. But send Bond he does, to hook up with Goldfinger at the golf club. Bond's mission: to ingratiate himself to Goldfinger, and establish some business relationship with his gold bar bait. But Bond can't help screwing that up, too. Instead of letting Goldfinger cheat and win, and thus maybe building a relationship, he can't resist cheating back, which only enrages Goldfinger, and ensures that Bond will never be able to get into the "inside." Well played, James. Instead of taking his mission seriously, or taking Goldfinger seriously, he is more interested in macho game-playing.
• Having the best car in the history of humanity, Bond just can't use it well. Sure, he gives a hot woman some flat tires. But he's unable to escape Goldfinger's goons in the woods; despite having a bulletproof windshield, he's driven away by a Swedish grandmother with a tommy gun. He doesn't use the car's machine guns, or just run her over...he just turns and drives back into the complex! And finally, he loses a game of chicken--with himself!!--and let's a reflection of his own headlights in a mirror force him to drive himself into a wall!! Gezz, not only did 007 ruin Q's car, he didn't even get any success out of it!! Totally worthless!! Plus, now the Chinese have Q's car technology!!
• After that, Bond is captured, and his actions consist of getting knocked out, bluffing, getting knocked out, using the bathroom, getting locked up, escaping, getting recaptured immediately, sitting around, having a drink with Goldfinger, sitting around...He doesn't escape, and despite 1,001 possibilities, never comes close to letting Felix Leiter or MI-6 know that something is up. How could he have? How about turning the tracker in his show off, so his watchers know something's wrong?? Or turning it on and off in Morse code? Or, during his brief escape, actually escaping or finding a phone, or actually trying to leave the grounds?
• He beats Oddjob, but only by the sheerest luck. Ken Adam: FANTASTIC Fort Knox design, but really...power cables just laying around like that in the open??
• And of course, Bond cannot defuse the nuclear bomb himself. The unnamed CIA agent has to do it for him...by simply flipping the off switch. Fortunately for the world, Bond learned from this, and was much better at defusing nukes in the future...
• In the final confrontation, he can't even outfight fatso Goldfinger...he only wins by firing off Goldfinger's gun while Auric has him in a bear hug!

When you look at all that, it's had to justify calling this the best Bond movie, isn't it? Not when Bond is acting more like Maxwell Smart than 007. He's a terrible, terrible secret agent in this movie.

The second deficit in this film is Pussy Galore. Oh, the heresy I'm spouting, right? Again, nothing against Honor Blackman; I love her, and she's great. But (and I'll freely admit that this comes down 100% to personal opinion and taste), I just don't see any chemistry between Pussy and James. Since the entire resolution of the plot depends on his being able to sway her to betray Goldfinger, it's crucial that we believe it could happen. And I simply don't see it. Setting aside any gender politics and the L word, I just don't see any sense of attraction for Bond from her. When Bond has to physically force himself on Pussy in the barn...well, let's just say that that particular section of the movie hasn't aged well, shall we? So the crucial plot twist comes across as just that, rather than a credible character moment. Now, this won't be the only time there's a distinct lack of chemistry between Bond and his leading lady, and it's not a crippling defect. But it does seriously impair its potential as the best Bond film ever.
A Pussy aside: You know, it seems like once a decade the media decides to run with the meme that this year's new Bond girl is somehow new and special, that we've "never seen" a woman who was as capable as Bond (look at coverage for The Spy Who Loved Me, Tomorrow Never Dies, Die Another Day, etc). Funny how they never seem to remember Pussy Galore...
A Galore aside: Even though I took my blog title from the movie's OTHER immortal one-liner, this one may be the best exchange in movie history, particularly with Sean's delivery:

Bond: Who are you?
Pussy: My name is Pussy Galore.
Bond: I must be dreaming.

My third reason not to nominate this for the best Bond movie ever is the god-awful location work. I know that in a fairly straightforward adaptation of the novel ,they're somewhat limited by what Fleming gave them, but geez, this movie is pretty terrible on a travelogue level. After a non-descript Latin American nation which looks like someone's backlot, what do we have? Miami, but every scene with Bond or Goldfinger is very obviously shoot against a rear-screen projection; Switzerland, which aside from a couple of pretty mountain shots could have been shot in Bolton; and then Kentucky. Look at beautiful Kentucky.

And more:

Frankly, they weren't even trying with the glamorous locations this time out.

Finally, Guy Hamilton is no Terrance Young. Hamilton relies far, far too much on obvious trickery to get his shots, like a persistent overuse of rear-screen projection, and a horrible reliance on sped-up film to simulate action. Compare the Bond/Red Grant fight in From Russia With Love to Bond's fight with the guard in Goldfinger's cell, or Bond's little judo fight in the barn with Pussy. Young knew how to film such scenes to make them look realistic without resorting to distracting trickery that, just frankly, looks bad. Hamilton can't...at least not in this movie. He also lets certain scenes go slack and linger far too long--case in point, Bond using the restroom on Pussy's plane, which goes on approximately FOREVER. It's not terrible direction...but it's far below the standard already set for this series.

Look, I know I'm being hyper-nitpicky. But when we're talking about the exalted position of Best Bond Movie Ever, small distinctions make the difference. And in this case, I feel that the above mentioned flaws, as cleverly disguised as they are, are enough to knock Goldfinger out of the running. I dearly love it, it's still clearly top 5...but it's just not #1.

But now let's accentuate the positive, starting with that teaser. If you were going to stick a snippet of a Bond film in a time capsule so future generations could understand what 007 was all about, it would HAVE to be this, right? The perfect James Bond mini-movie, the perfect distillation of everything the series is about, in easy-to-digest teaser form. The undercover, the gadgets, the tuxedo, the explosion, the girl, the fight, the death pun...as much as Goldfinger is Bond-template, the movie's teaser is even more so.

The theme song? Seriously, who can hear this and not have their attention immediately torn away from whatever they were doing? Bold and brassy from the first bars, and then Shirley Bassey's voice weaves in, hard-edged but seductive, growing more and more urgent, while describing our vile villain. Ecstasy.

Oddjob. What can one say? He set the standard for mute Korean henchmen who throw shoes (oops, sorry, I mean hats). Harold Sakata takes a role that could have been unforgivably silly and somehow, using just grunts and facial expressions, makes Oddjob a figure of menace, not to mention the object of countless parodies. He outwits and outfights Bond at every opportunity. If only it weren't for electricity...An unforgettable henchman who would outshine most villains...


...but not Auric Goldfinger. No one could outshine him. The combination of Richard Maibaum's sparkling dialogue and Gert Frobe's acting make for a richly drawn character, a living, breathing human instead of an arch caricature. Goldfinger was greedy, boastful, arrogant, intensely clever, a shrewd judge of his opponents, funny. He loved games but always felt compelled to cheat, because he loved winning so much. A hugely successful businessman with divest interests on different continents, but a savage sociopath who thought nothing of killing tens of thousands to enrich himself. What a glorious creation.

And Desmond Llewellyn finally gets a chance to make Q his own. This is the Q we know and love. His decision to play Q as frustrated with Bond's cavalier attitude was brilliant, setting the stage for the next 4 decades. He never jokes about his work, and 007 rarely takes it seriously...the perfect combination!! Plus, our first shots of the projects in Q's lab!!

I would be remiss if I didn't dump on poor Cec Linder, who is clearly the worst Felix Leiter EVER. One of the things that covers up 007's ineffectiveness in this movie is that Americans look like much bigger dolts. The FBI and CIA have NOTHING in their files on Goldfinger. He has Chinese soldiers, nerve gas and nuclear weapons smuggled into the country, and the U.S. doesn't have a clue. Goldfinger is conspiring with every top gangster in America (who all show up at his ranch while it's supposedly under CIA surveillance) AND the Chinese government to knock of Fort Knox, and nobody in America has the slightest clue. Geez, no wonder we need Bond to save us! Anyway, Leiter is the perfect CIA man for this movie's dim views of our intelligence capabilities: he doesn't do much except smirk like a frat boy at Bond's antics, and stand around cluelessly. Smarmy and not helpful, he's just a terrible conception of a companion for Bond.

I hope I'm not dumping too hard on this movie, because I do love it to death. The things it does well, it does EXCEPTIONALLY well. As a piece of popular culture, it's undeniably powerful and iconic. And of course, this was the movie that made Bond BOND, the phenomenon, and ensured that we would still be getting Bond movies for the next forty years. They took off the glasses, let down the hair, and everyone saw how gorgeous these movies were.

I just want it remembered that some of us thought the girl was pretty damn beautiful before the transformation, and that there was a Bond who was loved by many of us before Goldfinger.

SNELL'S RANDOM THOUGHTS AND QUESTIONS:

**Uhh...the Chinese government tried to detonate a nuclear bomb on U.S. soil, had armed soldiers shoot American troops, and tried to kill 40,000 with nerve gas. Wouldn't that be considered, well, an act of war? Shouldn't there have been immediate (and probably military) reprisals against China? Maybe even WWIII? In Tomorrow Never Dies, the British and Chinese are set to go to war over much less...in Goldfinger, in keeping with the hapless Americans theme, I guess we just shrug and smirk, like Felix Leiter: "oh, those rascally Communists!!"

**Once again Maibaum's script makes a twist that makes the movie more interesting than the book. In the novel, there was a nuclear bomb, but that was only to blow open the doors of the depository. Goldfinger's plan really was to steal the gold (albeit only some of it). It was a SMERSH-backed plan, not the Chinese. But by having Bond point out the futility of trying to physically steal that much gold, and having the bomb irradiate the U.S. gold supply, Maibuam turns a trumped-up robbery scheme into a wonderfully scary geopolitical thriller. (For those too young to remember, the U.S., as well as much of the world, was on the Gold Standard, which meant that the dollar was literally backed by gold. And if most of our gold supply was rendered unusable, well, suddenly the dollar was backed by nothing, and theoretically worthless. It certainly would have been economic chaos, at least in the short term. I always like to that that this movie was the reason that no government in the world uses the gold standard today...)

**James Bond disses the Beatles. I'm just reminding you.

**We get our first mention of a specific Double-O besides, Bond, 008.

**Why, exactly, does Goldfinger kill all the gangsters? It makes no sense on any level. We'll have an extended discussion this weekend...

**Worst acting award? All the soldiers who collapsed the moment the (supposed) nerve-gas spewing planes passed overhead. Given that the gangsters in Goldfinger's den survived for 20 seconds or so, and managed to run around, it hard to see how the gas, at a lesser concentration and a greater distance, could make everyone collapse so fast. So not the most convincing effort at making Goldfinger think the gas had worked, really...

**Speaking of which, in what must be less than 12 hours, Pussy leaves the farm, somehow tracks down Leiter, convinces him about Goldfinger's plot, convinces his superiors, and "helps" them swap out the nerve gas canisters on the plane, and get back in time. And in even less time, Leiter and the Americans must come up with fake gas canisters, and arrange for 40,000+ people to pretend to die. Not a lot of time to get all that done, is all I'm saying. of course, Bond's actions during that same time...? Still waiting...

**Memo to all future villains--if you're going to have a secret drug lab, DON'T fill it with lots of barrels of nitro, conveniently labelled as such. It does make it ever so easy to blow up your installations.

**Gert Frobe's voice was dubbed by another actor, as his accent was apparently indecipherable. I just wonder, was Frobe such a huge star in Europe that it justified giving his role to a man who couldn't speak English comprehensibly? Why didn't they cast someone who spoke better English? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they cast him, because his performance is wonderful. I just find it an unusual casting decision...

**You would think it wouldn't be so easy to fly a bunch of civilian planes over Fort Knox...yes, I know that they were "letting" the plan work, so Goldfinger would bring in the bomb. But it was unrealistic of Goldfinger to not expect some air response from the Army or Air Force, no?

**Bond Score: 4. Bonita in the teaser, Dink in Miami, Jill Masterson, and Pussy Galore. Cumulative Bond score for 3 movies: 11.

**Tilly Masterson: WORST. SHOT. EVER.

I mean, come on...

**Speaking of Tilly, she has a much different fate in the novel. I'll discuss that this weekend, too.

And of course,

Be here next week.